The Brighter Side of Darkness: A Novel Read online

  5 - SUSIE

  The scene changed to her younger sister. Her mother raised her arms in rage as an argument heated between her parents after Kim and Rebecca fought. April and John cursed and shouted because he defended Kim and April defended Rebecca. They threw things around the house, and Susie hid under the coffee table in the family room curled up in a ball with her hands covering her ears and cried, scared from the chaos going on around her. Rebecca walked past Susie into her room, but Kim stopped and gave her a hand and went into her room to play dolls with her and to calm her down. She remembered she always protected her younger sister.

  *****

  Kim could not recall true displays of affection between her mother and father. They must have loved one another at a time, but they lacked in showing signs of affection. Fighting and bickering overtook her memories of her childhood. She once overheard her being born was an accident. April only wanted one child, and once she had a second child, she decided a third would work, Susie, the baby of the family was spoiled rotten by both John and April.

  Susie and Kim had the closest relationship in the family because they took on the personality traits from John's side. Susie remained naive to her surroundings. She loved everyone. It was not fair to her to have to pick a side in their divided family. The role she inherited saddened Kim. She harmed no one, and Kim tried to protect her through all the turmoil.

  Thinking back, Kim wished they were a closer family, but no time for regrets. The night must be about forgiveness. At least the relationship with Susie made up for the tumultuous relationship with Rebecca. This sister she confided in and had her best interest at heart.

  *****

  After the new visions and memories, Kim forgave her father for not standing up more for Susie. She forgave him for not doing more to stand up to her mother to help their family relationship. She forgave Susie for not being a strong support for her with the tension in the family.

  6 – LOSES AND GAINS

  After seeing the visions of her family; Kim dreaded what lied ahead. She enjoyed reminiscing on her father and sister. They made her journey a little lighter. She questioned what awaited her. With none of her past spared, the good as well as the bad, to achieve a peaceful eternity she would brace herself to reach the goal.

  The little boy in the room took two steps forward. He raised both of his arms and stretched them towards the Heaven, she looked and saw herself walk through the halls of her high school. The expression on her face showed her unhappiness. She smiled and laughed with her friends, but it proved to be manufactured. She pondered on what memory she'd be shown next.

  *****

  Kim came to grips with the fact that she and Chad's high-school romance fizzled. She struggled with letting go of the fantasy of who she thought to be her Prince Charming. It hurt, and after she sulked and didn't interact with people for a few months, she pulled herself together and realized a full life awaited her. Her world did not end, and she refused to let Chad steal her joy and miss out on what life had to offer her.

  Kim moved on. She eventually accepted the fact that he no longer existed in her life. She focused on her studies. Senior year should be fun and exciting; she did not want to be depressed. She put all her energy into cheerleader practice and anything to keep herself busy and her mind off Chad. Her prom date, a football player in her class, had a crush on her for many years. Unlike Chad, Jeffery, was tall, dark, and handsome. His jet-black curly hair danced off his shoulder as he walked down the hall to carry her books to class. His muscular arms bulged under his short-sleeved shirt, his six feet tall status and slim figure made him a star wide receiver and when he took his shirt off at football practice all the cheerleaders melted. When he spoke, his accent revealed his Hispanic ancestry, his light brown skin tone blended beautifully with his hazel eyes.

  Chad overheard about her prom date and did not like it. She did not go to the prom to make him jealous. She never imagined him with a jealous bone in his body. He called her for the first time in almost a year three days after the prom. Hearing from him shocked her as he said, "How are you doing?" She froze at first, then responded, "Good, and you?"

  The conversation went on as if they had not communication for months. She began to boil as she thought to herself, how dare he call after all that happened? He continued talking, and Kim blurted, "Chad, you have not spoken to me practically this entire year, and you call me up like nothing happened. What are you doing?" If she had not gotten the sentence out, she would have burst.

  Chad went on to explain that he injured his back-playing football, and he no longer played on the team. He would never play football again due to his injury. It devastated him as he set goals to be a professional football player. That blew his self-esteem hard, he never thought of his life without football in it. She prayed he'd move on - it hurt him deeply. It saddened her that he shut her out, but she understood his pain. She wanted to be there for him as he needed a friend.

  As they continued to talk he admitted to her he dated another girl for a while but assured her the relationship ended. He explained he did not want to date her, but she would not take no for an answer. He made a mistake being with her and thought he did it because of being off the team. He further told her he never stopped loving her and never stopped thinking about her, and the other girl knew it. She could never compete with Kim and became jealous of her even though she did not know her.

  Aside from being off the team he had another devastating blow that year they did not communicate with one another. He lost his fraternal grandmother making his only living grandparents his paternal grandparents. He did not communicate with his paternal grandparents due to a feud in the family between them and his parents, so this left him practically with no grandparents. He loved his now deceased fraternal grandmother dearly and was devastated by the loss.

  Chad had a pretty rough year. She still loved him although she wanted to hate him and did everything in her power to comfort him and make up for time lost. She overcame the guilt of bitterness towards him for that year. She did not reach out to him - she let her ego get in the way. He needed her and sulking in her own pity and pride.

  She didn't know if she felt better or worse. He assured her the relationship with the other girl ended months earlier. The girl remained in college, and his parents did not want him to return because they wanted him home. Kim could not just pick up immediately where they left off, as he thought they should. He did, however, hurt her and trust had to be regained. She made him prove his love, and she played hard to get for as long as she could before she gave in. She really wanted to punish him but could not resist him. Loved overtook her. She wished she did not love him, but she did and eventually it would be impossible to oppose.

  It took her a while to trust him again. What if she gave her heart to him and he hurt her again? She tried to find out who the girl he dated was but gathered no information from him or Rebecca. She told Kim she did not hang around Chad and did not know who he dated. She made no attempts to help her find out who his ex-girlfriend was. Kim also wondered why April did not tell her about Chad's grandmother dying. He thought Kim heard about it from her mother. Why would her mother keep something so important from her?

  Chad was there for her high-school graduation, and that's when they became inseparable seemingly overnight just as before. She still wondered why he cut communication with her, people made mistakes and he loved her so with time she forgave him, and she was happy they reconciled. It was perfect for her. She had the perfect man, she was graduating high school, and maybe, just maybe, life was going to be good again. She had hope and a bright future and she would live it to the fullest. Chad was by her side and possibilities - endless.

  On Valentine's Day, the day before her nineteenth birthday, Chad proposed. In her heart to marry him was the right thing to do, so she excitedly accepted making her the first sibling in her family to marry. This caused her and Rebecca’s relationship to grow further apart.

  Also, she never
learned who the other girlfriend was, although she did find out through a letter written to him from the girl that they dated much longer than he admitted. She confirmed he dated her while they dated. She may have been a girl who went to a rival school in her town or someone older than Kim in an earlier class in her own school, but she never found out her identity.

  *****

  Being brought back to the memories of her engagement, Kim forgave herself for her naiveté. She forgave herself for not insisting on getting more answers about the other girl. She forgave herself for forgiving him and never looking back. She totally let go of the girl once she forgave him. She forgave Chad for his infidelity. She forgave him for shutting her out after the death of his grandmother and after his football injury.

  She forgave him for being insensitive to her needs. She forgave herself for not being more sensitive to Chad's needs once she learned of his shattered football dreams and especially the death of his grandmother. She forgave herself for letting Chad define her. She forgave herself for not being strong and resisting him coming back into her life as if he never hurt her. She forgave herself for not making it harder for them to reconcile. She forgave herself for being weak.

  7 – NEW ADVENTURES

  Kim studied the boy standing in the corner of her hospital room. He wanted to communicate with her. As she stared into his eyes she saw the part of her wedding where she and Chad said "I do" to one another. She watched them exchange rings and kiss to seal their love before God, family, and friends. She felt like a princess that day. The day belonged to her, and she would cherish it forever, even in eternity. She thought their marriage would last forever. She believed she would love him forever. She never been surer of anything in her life. She found her true love.

  *****

  The six-month engagement to Chad went by quickly and became a busy time for her. April all but took over the wedding planning. Once she accepted the wedding would happen, she used it as the perfect opportunity to score points with the society group. She planned to make it the event of the year. She decided to go all out for the wedding. It must be perfect, not for Kim but for her benefit.

  Kim did not want a large wedding. She did not know half of the people April invited. She wanted something small and intimate; she did not need anything fancy. All she needed was Chad, the man of her dreams.

  Despite fights with April, she did not win. April got what she wanted. No expense spared. Their family went into debt, but April was happy. Kim wore a beautiful high-necked, long-sleeved lace wedding dress. Narrow at the midsection, it accented her small nineteen-inch waist. The gown was full below the waist with bloomers underneath and lace at the bottom. The train flowed a foot long with lace throughout and pearl beads. She wore a full laced veil covered in Swarovski crystals. Chad looked handsome in his Armani double-breasted tux. He wore a lilac cummerbund and tie to match with the wedding colors.

  As a young girl she often daydreamed about her wedding. The real-life event turned out to be more beautiful than she ever imagined. The perfect man on her arm, and Chad's smile showed his pride to have her by his side. With her by his side the sky's the limit. He could accomplish anything. He had his love by his side, and the world was his. Never had they been so happy. She gazed into his dreamy green eyes before they entered the ballroom for their wedding reception and thought, dreams do come true. Like Cinderella, she had her prince.

  Rebecca and the best man joined Kim and John on the dance floor. She picked her sister to be the maid of honor over her long-time high school friends and other close relatives as family came first. Although they fought she was her sister and she wanted her to share in the day with her. Rebecca accepted with honor despite not having settled her differences with Chad. She glowed that day as well in her lilac mermaid dress. She reminded Kim so much of their mother with her long, slim frame.

  Rebecca had reservations about the wedding, so Kim made sure she involved her every step of the way. She wanted to make sure to include her in every part of the wedding. Susie attended high school so did not participate in the entire process but got more involved over the summer. She made for a beautiful bridesmaid and shared the role with a couple of Chad's cousins and friends. She wanted her family involved in her special day.

  Susie was a breath of fresh air in her bridesmaid dress. Her sandy brown hair shined in an updo and the dress showed she matured. In total, there were six bridesmaids and groomsmen, a junior bridesmaid and junior groomsman, a flower girl, and a ring bearer. The wedding was very elegantly done. April threw the best parties; helping the women in the Windsor Society Group organize their yearly gala gave her much practice.

  *****

  Looking at her family as they smiled for the family portrait on her wedding day in the photo album she kept in the nightstand next to her hospital bed, one would think they were the perfect family. Looking back in retrospect, she thought, looks could be deceiving.

  *****

  The best man, Chad's best friend, Jack, whom Kim did not approve of, gave his speech. It was heartwarming and emotional even though he and Kim did not see eye to eye on most subjects. Rebecca also said a few words, to Kim's surprise, wishing the couple well. Kim wished the words would have come from the heart and not just some speech for show in front of their guests. It would mean a lot to her if her sister and husband could approve of one another. Those good words from Rebecca to Chad were short-lived. But it was pleasant to at least have that one day of niceness. Not only did she marry her love, but her family put aside their differences. People, who did not on a regular basis, acted kindly towards one another and were nice and friendly.

  Her only sadness was the day would end, and everything would go back to normal. Her parents looked the happiest she had seen them in years. Rebecca behaved herself, and for once, they did not feud. A true utopia that she knew would end with the day. The next day would be a new day, but she did not want to dwell on the negative on her wedding day. She wanted to soak in as much happiness as she could. She would take in whatever good spirits possible and pray that at least some of the happiness would remain. She remained optimistic that at least she would find common ground with Chad's new college friends because they were an important part of his life, and anyone or anything important to Chad would have to be important to her.

  *****

  Kim had a strong feeling of nostalgia after reliving her wedding, but she had some forgiveness associated with it. Although it was a lovely day, and one of the most special days in her life, she realized through the vision that some things would forgiveness.

  She forgave Jack for the constant feuding between them. She did not give herself a chance to like Jack. She prejudged him, not giving herself a chance to know and understand him. She hated him from the second she met him, and it was downhill from there. Did she resent the time he spent with Chad? Did she let insecurities he would take Chad away from her seep in? Did she fear he would introduce Chad to other women? What made her instantly dislike him?

  She asked God's forgiveness of her feelings toward Jack. She asked forgiveness for judging Jack. She realized if she not been so judgmental of him, maybe their relationship would have been better. She did the same thing to Jack as April and Rebecca did to Chad. As much as she tried to be the opposite of her mother and sister, in this instance she failed.

  She forgave April for making the wedding about herself and a show for her society friends instead of what she wanted. She realized it was important to her mother, and although she did not approve, her three guests made her realize that life was not always about us. We must think of others. Although Kim thought she put too much stock into what the Windsor Society Group thought, it was important to her mother and sometimes putting others first makes us accept things whether we agree or not. It was a missed opportunity to use the wedding to become closer to her mother rather than fight with her every step of the way.

  8 – GUARDIAN ANGEL

  Kim closed her eyes for a couple of seconds to digest all she had
taken in. Reminiscing on her wedding day left her drained. She absorbed a lot in her frail condition. The woman in the room clapped her hands and when Kim opened her eyes, Chad's mother, Jessica appeared. She braced herself as she did play a significant role in her life. Their relationship went from not too close when she dated Chad in high school to a lot closer after she married him. She had been there for her. Kim went to her when she needed someone to talk to. With a lack of support from her family, Jessica was a Saint in her opinion. She helped guide her on being a wife. She was blessed to have Jessica for guidance and as a mentor. She anticipated what part of her life would appear next.

  *****

  The day after the wedding, they set off for a seven-day Caribbean cruise. The honeymoon, given to them as a gift by Chad's parents, and the next year of their marriage went smoothly. Fourteen months later, she became pregnant. She did notice some distance in Chad one year into their marriage. He started to hang out with Jack and his other friends more often. On their one-year anniversary, she prepared a special dinner and arranged for them to celebrate. She spent the entire day preparing the meal, and he did not show up until four o'clock in the morning. She did not want to start another fight, so she kept quiet. She pretended to be asleep as he quietly slipped into bed. He tried not to wake her, and she pretended not to hear him. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She did not want her relationship to duplicate her parent's. She would do anything to prevent that from happening.

  The next morning at the breakfast table, in the kitchen of their one-bedroom apartment, she let him know he missed the anniversary dinner. He explained that the guys' poker game went a little longer than expected and that he would make it up to her that evening. He prepared a romantic dinner for her, and things improved for a while, but not long after, they continued to go south rapidly. The fights worsened. She confided in her dad but did not want to worry him, so she played down the friction in the marriage. She did not dare tell her marriage problems to her mother or Rebecca for fear they would gloat in her misery. Despite her closeness with Susie she soon wood attend college and Kim did not want to burden her. She wanted her to experience college life to the fullest and not worry about her sister's marital problems.