The Brighter Side of Darkness: A Novel Read online

  The Brighter Side

  Of Darkness

  OLIVIA TAYLOR

  DEDICATION

  To my sister, Phyllis, we finally did it. To all who succumbed to AIDS – RIP. To the families who lost loved ones to AIDS – May God be with you. To those living with HIV – God loves you. To all who need forgiveness and healing – May God give us the grace.

  CONTENTS

  1 – The Journey

  2 - April

  3 - Rebecca

  4 - Chad

  5 - Susie

  6 – Loses and Gains

  7 – New Adventures

  8 - Guardian Angel

  9 – Life And Death

  10 – Beginning of the End

  11 - Chasity’s Place

  12 - Closing a Chapter

  13 – Darker Days

  14 – Ups and Downs

  15 - Knight in Shining Armor

  16 - New Attitude

  17 - Second Chances

  18 – The Children

  19 - The Big Reveal

  20 - Crossroads

  21 - Eternity Begins

  Epilouge

  1 – The Journey

  The aroma of the flowers pleased Kim, but she wished everyone would stop sending them. Although they somewhat cheered her up, and showed her family and friends love, she felt she previewed her funeral. The flowers made her feel gloomier and dampened her spirits of any chance for survival of the illness that invaded her body for so many years.

  Although very ill, she remained conscious and breathing on her own. The only instruments attached to her were an IV and catheter, but she felt the end approaching. There was little strength left in her body having battled HIV/AIDS for over ten years. In 1986, at the age of twenty-six years old, she received the life changing news. With little known about HIV/AIDS it quickly became a death sentence. The disease spread without prejudice. No one was spared regardless of race, sexual preferences, religion or creed, many died before her and continued to die after her due to no cure and limited treatment.

  When first diagnosed, her CD4 white blood cell count read over 500. In her case she did not show signs of immediate risk. The more CD4 cells a person has the better because they fight infection. The ideal CD4 count is between 500-1,500. Once the count for someone with HIV drops below 200, that patient will be diagnosed with AIDS. In 1987, a drug called AZT resurfaced, after being taken off the market for cancer patients, it seemed to be successful in HIV patients. Once studied it increased the patient's CD4 cell count.

  The higher one's CD4 cell count, the better their immune system could fight off infections. In the event to improve her CD4 cell count, she was prescribed the AZT drug in its experimental stage - it later became available to the public. Over the months on the drug her CD4 count raised to just over 1,000, verifying her having a healthy immune system despite having the virus. Fast forward ten years to 1996, her current hospital stay; diagnosed with full-blown AIDS her CD4 count fail below 200, it became a fight for her life.

  The disease took a healthy five- foot- nine framed, 135-pound woman and reduced her to a fragile 90- pound skeleton looking person with ribs protruding. The once shiny, bouncy chestnut hair that flowed midway down her back; now sported a short, pixie cut due to loosing most of it to the illness and medications. The glow in her light tan skin faded as it turned three shades darker. The thinness of her face made her hazel bedroom eyes bulge. The disease claimed most of her teeth and pubic hairs as well.

  During a hospital stay fifteen months prior, she developed Pneumocystis pneumonia (PCP)--a serious infection causing inflammation and fluid buildup in the lungs - never regaining her healthy glow. The condition was very common with HIV/AIDS patients because of their low immune systems leaving them very little chance of fighting off a virus that a person with a healthy immune system could fight off easily. The support of her family and friends as well as the love they showed her, gave her strength the past two years to survive. If she could hold to it any longer for their sake she would but accepted she would not make it out of the hospital alive.

  The thought of not going home to her family crushed her. The reality that she would not hike in the Montana mountains, bike on her beloved trails, or escape to one of her adventure novels again gave her agonizing pain. Accepting her fate, sealed long ago, could no longer be avoided. The light in the very dark situation she faced shown bright in the fact she never dreamed to be blessed with ten years of life after her diagnosis. In retrospect, she could not complain about her life. No feelings of being cheated nor deprived of her life immersed her soul. The time God gave her, the time she loved and received love, were priceless. Only He understood the role her family played in making her time on earth complete.

  People suffering from AIDS died by the dozens, yet she managed to live ten years. The support of her loved ones gave her the will to live another two years, no chastising or judging for her illness. Looking back on the events of her life, she could not help but acknowledge that God is good always. The little gestures from loved ones displayed His fingerprints all over them. All glory and honor she gave to Him. Without her love for Him she did not know how she would have made it through her trials and tribulations.

  Despite her illness she felt blessed. Pride and honor overtook her when she thought of her family and how much they meant to her survival through the years; though she did not fear death; leaving her family behind would be the toughest reality she faced. The reality of her death she accepted, but she worried who would care for those she left behind? Would they be able to manage daily life without her? To die would be to abandon them, she felt, as she took care of them. If she could stir up any fight in her body to stay with her family longer, it would be a heavenly but no way possible to accomplish the task.

  Today the doctors informed her husband, Ramon Vito, because of her current condition the most they could do was keep her comfortable. Both kidneys failed, and one lung was badly infected. Giving her dialysis was not an option as she was too weak to withstand the treatment. The inevitable she could no longer ignore, but the real job would be getting her husband to do the same. The time had come although she did not want to give up. Despite the doctors' reports she worried her husband would not see it the same. Always the problem-solver, he remained strong and determined. A man who started his own construction company with nothing but blood, sweat, and tears, he never met a challenge or situation he couldn't handle--until now.

  Most people in her life learned of her illness when she was previously hospitalized as she kept it secret. The secret would have gone with her to the grave, but the doctors convinced her it would be better for her to tell her family. The fewer people who knew the better she would be able to handle it, she reasoned. Before most of her family members found out, only her doctors knew. All the love her family poured into her when they found out gave her the will to fight an additional two years. But she knew her fight would soon come to an end.

  The bombshell of the news would devastate her family, especially her husband. The loyalty to family her husband displayed would make it almost impossible for him to bear. For those reasons she would take the love for them into eternity. The question she faced was how to let them down easy, how to say farewell to them? During her prior diagnosis of PCP when she was not expected to live, the family's love was a major part of her recovery, graciously, her family showed her so much love she willed herself well to not let them down. Having to leave them hurt her dearly.

  At that point in her life, her faith became so strong she knew in the depths of her soul she lived the life God wanted her to. With no resentment nor blaming God for her short thirty-six years on Earth, she had to
be brave. Being a loving mother and wife, she believed, was her purpose in life and she served it well. Deep down she felt she fulfilled her destiny. While she fought long and hard to stay alive, she realized she could finally cross over. With no room left for worry about her family, she realized God did not make mistakes. If He saw it fit to be her time to cross over she understood He would protect those remaining. As she recognized everyone had a calling and a purpose and a time on Earth, she thanked God for her time and for all the good--as well as the bad--in her life.

  "Your flowers are getting lovelier and lovelier by the day," the nurse said as she adjusted her IV, startling Kim from her thoughts.

  "Yes," she replied. "My family is wonderful.

  "Is your husband sleeping over tonight?" the nurse questioned. Every night he slept on the sofa bed adjacent to her since admitted.

  "Not sure if he will spend the night, but he should arrive soon," she answered. No discussion took place between them about her plans for him to sleep home for the evening. Being alone was vital. The journey to fight for her soul could not be accomplished with him or anyone else in the room. The journey for her soul.

  "Buzz me if he decides to stay the night, and I will bring in some bed sheets," the nurse said as she read Kim's vitals.

  The night would be for prayer, thanksgiving, and fighting for the salvation of her soul. Crossing over seemed to be inevitable. Putting it off, she knew, was no longer an option. The mission staring her in the face was to forgive everyone who had hurt her over the course of her life and to make sure she was forgiven for anything she may have done to hurt anyone, known or unknown. This mission, she felt, was how she could gain heaven.

  *****

  When admitted to the hospital fifteen months prior, three beings stood in the corner of her room, a slender man, a heavyset woman, and a young boy around the age of eight-years-old. The little boy popped in and out of the room mimicking a game of hide-and-seek. Only visible to her, they appeared in her sleep, while awake, when she communicated with her guest, and when she rested in her room alone. Although she did not know them, she knew why they stood steadfast in the room. During her previous hospital stay the three beings were in the room until shortly before she was released – now they returned. This time she sensed they would not leave without her.

  Since their return, not one of them spoke nor made any movement. Idle and patient their customary place, in the corner of the room, became their preferred spot. Convinced by their steadfastness she would go with them soon, their patience remained noteworthy. Instead of being frightened or intimidated, their presence gave her a sense of peace.

  Expecting a visit from her husband soon, she rehearsed how to tell him she preferred he slept home, so she could be alone and ready for her journey. After she composed herself, she rested and waited on his arrival. Every detail of how she approached him was vital. The night would determination her eternity.

  *****

  "Are you trying to get rid of me tonight?" Understanding from her gentle hinting she did not want him with her in the room, he tried to remain calm but was baffled. Why would she not want him in the room with her?

  "Go home and get some good sleep in our big, comfy bed, then you can be here as soon as the sun rises in the morning."

  "If it makes you happy, anything for you." Not happy with her request but not wanting to upset her, he kissed her forehead and granted her request. Nothing would stop him from returning to the hospital first thing in the morning to talk with the doctors after their morning rounds. Still hopeful it could not be the end yet, he had to explore all options - what could he do to help her? The doctors ordered new test and he would receive the news of the results in the morning. Every second of the day he prayed for a miracle - they needed hope.

  As he walked to the door, he turned to her and said, "I love you, and I will be here before the sun rises."

  "Love you too, Sweetheart."

  "Goodnight," he said, blowing her a kiss. Returning the gesture, she knew he didn't want to leave her alone, but she respected he obliged. A true knight in shining armor, he sacrificed for her then and so many times in the past for their family. The mission she could no longer avoid, he could not save her. The challenge ahead of her was frightening but she welcomed the battle.

  After he left, the nurse entered. "Time for medicine," she said and placed pills and a pitcher of water on the tray attached to her bed.

  "It's too late," she replied, and pushed the tray aside.

  "Come on, Kim you must take them, so you have a good night's sleep. Don't you want be refreshed when your family comes to visit tomorrow?"

  The nurse returned the tray. Tomorrow was not promised to her. Only God knew if tomorrow would be. Only He knew if she would see her family the next day, if she would hear the birds outside chirping, or if she would smell the aroma of the medication in her hospital room. Looking past the nurse to the three people standing in the corner of the room whom only she could see, they appeared not to have any advice for her yet, but she expected they would soon.

  No longer trusting in science to save her, she chose not to swallow the pills. The last ten years of her life had been medication after medication, doctor visit after doctor visit, blood transfusion after blood transfusion. No number of pills, no amount of blood transfusions, and no doctors could save her now. Not even her loving family nor husband had the honors, only her Lord and Savior could help her.

  The mission she now faced depended on the strength of her faith, the time to meet her Maker grew closer. Everything revolved around clearing her mind and releasing all unwanted negativity. The path to a peaceful afterlife would not be easy but she was determined, it was imperative in the fight for her soul. The man, the woman, and the little boy who waited in the corner of her room remained immobile, fixed in their stance - the position they held for the last three days. The beings remained firm as she stared their way. Not one word spoken between them, but they understood one another. Their mission, they were there for her. People walked in and out of her room all day long, but did not see them, only she did. The reason she understood all to clearly, she was the only one supposed to see them--her time had come.

  Pretending to take the pills for the nurse's sake, she opened her mouth, placed the pills under her tongue, and swallowed the water. No way would she allow herself to be drugged, her mind and body needed to be alert. As soon as the nurse left the room she grabbed a Kleenex from the nightstand next to her bed, spit the pills into it, and threw them in the trash. Now focused on the corner of the room towards her guests whom only she could see, she questioned their motive. Could they be angels? Are souls who passed before her? Did they come to help guide her transition? Maybe she would have her answers soon, or maybe she would never know.

  She grabbed the eight-by-ten family portrait from the nightstand beside her bed. In the picture taken two years earlier in her healthier days, she gleamed. Long layers of chestnut hair reached midway down her back and fresh choppy bangs hung just above her eyes. The photo gave no clues she was fatally ill. While in the hospital, she kissed the portrait every night before going to sleep and placed it back on the nightstand. Because of the journey she anticipated she would take, she decided to hug it close to her heart to have her family with her in spirit. As she stared at the portrait she wondered if she stood any possibility of going to Heaven, would she reunite with the loved ones who passed before her? After breathing a deep sigh, she squeezed the portrait tightly. Truly a happy family, God blessed them well. In her wildest dreams she never imagined she could be this happy ten years prior.

  In the portrait, the family she kissed every night, were the total opposite from the family she grew up in. The journey would have to start at its core. With her parents and grandparents. To forgive people who hurt her and to be forgiven for people she hurt, she would have to start at the source and relive the events and relationships responsible for shaping her life. She felt prepared.

  2 - APRIL

  Af
ter three days of the three visitors in her hospital room standing in the corner completely fixed, the man moved forward. Without breaking eye contact, she knew he would finally make a move towards her and that her journey would begin. Despite his advance, she felt an overwhelming peace within her, while remaining a little anxious about her eternity; assurance of gaining peace meant everything. Fear gripped her about the unknown, but her trust in God would get her through what she inevitably faced.

  The man pointed to the door across from her bed and the wall opened. No longer appearing to be in the hospital room, she never left her bed. Instead of seeing the nurses' station and the flowers across from her, she saw her mother, April Nelson, as a little girl sitting on her bed in her childhood bedroom at her mother's house. The pain and confusion the little girl felt was obvious. The man in her hospital room transferred the feelings of her mother as a little girl to her. What could have happened to this little girl to make her feel so blue?

  In the next vision she saw a hospital room. Not hers but that of her mother's. Then she saw her father, John Nelson, sitting on a chair next to her mother's bed with a child in his arms. The child was her as a newborn baby. As he tried to hand her over to her mother, she threw up her hands in dismay. In that moment, Kim realized that her mother dismissed her from the moment of birth. Why would the man in her room show her this? What could she gain in seeing this scene? To forgive her mother took precedent, not hating her more, she hoped and prayed she could forgive. As she reflected on experiences she shared with her mother, she knew forgiving her would not be easy but at all cost she felt right about the decision to do so. She desperately needed to forgive her.

  ****

  April, a Caucasian woman, fell in love with John Nelson, Jr., an African-American man. The mid-1950's relationship, she knew, would have its problems but she did not care. The love for him and was all that mattered to her. Her parents saw things differently, they knew what the couple would face and discouraged the relationship. April decided the best way to handle the situation was to not reveal the fact about John. If they could "pass" and live their lives as a Caucasian couple they could escape the prejudice so that would be her plan - never let them know is true heritage- because to look at John if you did not know him one would think he was white.